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My birth stories: I Don’t Regret My Cesarean Sections
Somehow I just knew that I would need a C-section. Other women in my family did, including my mother. My best girlfriend did, even my sister-in-law did. It just seemed that more women I knew were having them then weren’t. I was actually surprised when our hospital provided us with the stats – only about 30% of births were by C-section in the year previous to us.
While we were reading childbirth books and taking online classes, I was paying much more attention to the passages on C-sections than I was on labor. We did the birth plan though. I was fairly open to whatever might come. I didn’t have a playlist or mood lighting. I knew I wanted to use the birthing tub and have as many drugs as I could.
Yep, it all went out the window. Labor came on hard and fast. There was no way I was going to make it into that tub. And they wouldn’t give me any drugs. My baby was in trouble. His heart rate kept dipping and he wasn’t progressing at all. I was! I was dilating like crazy and in hard labor, but that baby wasn’t coming out. So a C-section happened. And thank goodness it did. He wasn’t breathing when he finally did come out. Fortunately, there was a team of doctors and nurses there to tend to him that might not have been there for a vaginal delivery.
So when were pregnant with baby #2 I knew it was our hospital’s policy not to do VBACs – vaginal birth after C-section. Or so I thought. One exam I was laying on the exam table and there posted on the bulletin board “We now do VBACs!” Oh dear! I had to think about. But I was scared. I was already terrified of everything that could go wrong, never mind adding in the risk of uterine rupture. What if I made the choice to try a VBAC and that put my daughter at risk?
I asked a few questions, particularly toward the end of my pregnancy. One midwife kindly said after determining that my baby girl was not dropping into place, “maybe your hips aren’t made to have babies”. Instead of feeling in adequate, I felt a sense of relief. All in all it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. The day I went into labor two weeks ahead of our due date (one week before the scheduled C-section) my daughter flipped herself breech after we had checked into the hospital.
I have never felt like I was inadequate for not having “natural” births. I felt like I made the best decision for how my babies needed to be born.